Mika is 2 years old.

suddenly have the urge to write. two years ago, my son was taken out from my uterus via csec. still a very fresh memory to me, my tears came out when i see him the first time and fall in love with him at first sight.
Today he as grown up as a toddler, started talking in simple words and his favourite is "pu yau!! pu yau", in Mandarin.
he has transform up from a very gentle baby to a very demanding child. i hope i didn't spoilt him, but screaming and hitting is not going to work. have tried and sometime felt really regret, so.... trying very hard to ignore sometime. let him cry and shout.... and let him learn that he will never get anything from crying.
not sure he is understanding any of y intention, keep explaining and seems no results...
and the journey is still very long.
no doubt he is still my sweet heart, his smile, mischievous look and the way he hug me. makes me feel that i am an very important people with great responsibilities.

My Dream Job for My Dear Son

Every mother, 望子成龍, there is no exception to me as I am just an ordinary person. During my teenager time, i am confused and a bit loss and not sure what I should pursue for my future career. The struggle between Art, Science or Commerce and with the greatest fear of choosing the wrong field and ended up with a boring life and without any great achievement.

thus my final decision is to choose something that is on the safer side, a degree that can guarantee me a job just for moderate living and the most important is that it is not too difficult to achieve as there were so many other things that I need to consider that Ieave me with not many choices. definitely i will be very different as per me today if I come from a well being family, at least I dare to pursue fashion design and some other thing with no worried about earn for living or a guaranteed for better job or the urge to enlighten my mothers, who work as baby sitter for living after my father had a stroke. i work as a sales promoter and do part time to pay school fees and living. ICSA seems a smarter choice

It took me quite some time to graduate in ICSA, and its just merely RM50, i believe that had change my destiny as I take up the position of account clerk instead of assistant company secretary. and later, its very hard for me to pursue in this line again. I know eventually I will be there but it was a very painful process for me. I made a promise to myself, since very long time ago that if I have my own children and I will give my best to guide them and would not let them suffer as what I have gone through

I realise probably I am also a problem child, indecisive and like to try and experience everything and anything in this world. Everything seems very interesting but a further thought/finding seem that it is not as interesting as i think off and feel emptiness and demotivated. nothing pro but know here and there a bit.. and i do agree that if i have given proper guidance, probably i can decide better and biggest problem is without any guidance and information. The college i visited that offer fashion design seems not convincing. available for me anhave no idea of how to go about it. Probably I will enjoy being an actress, as this will enable me to play many roles including doctor, artist, pianist, cook and many more. Just a nonsense thought now and it does not seem realistic.

After all these years, I realise that all my worried is non-sense but it’s seem too late for me to discover and change my career. My job is nothing to shout about, bored and more boring every day. Probably if affordable one day, all these little dreams will fill up my empty time as hobby, learning drawing, cooking, sewing and being the interior designer for my home. No kidding, I did imagine myself as politician, leader for charity organisation and many more and I had went for an interview for air stewardess right before I am reaching the age limit but after all, I found out that I am just enjoying my motherhood life and the rest is not important anymore.

Now about the future career for Mika’s, it is so weird that i am pretty sure what my preference for him. I would like him to become a famous architect. Not a doctor as he will spend too much time to safe life, not a pilot as this is too dangerous, not a musician, magician, businessman but an architect. Hahaha, probably it is about my dream house and now probably has to leave it to him to realise my dream. I am painting in my mind of our dream home of my own son invention.

But after all, this is just a dream and of course I wish this will come true. But I am not very greedy, I am still very happy, if seeing Mika’s growing up and lives healthy and happily and bringing in more families members to the family and being financial independence and a filial son/grandson.