Mika's first time overseas vacation

Oct 2010, Mika's took his very first flight to Hong Kong. Poor him that he cried and refused to go on board.
He seems alright when gotten his seat but start crying again when the flight start to take off and he refused to sit at his chair and to put on seat belt.
I have no choice but to let him sit on my lap. It was nightmare for him during landing time as well where he screams like nobody business repeating with the same that he wanted to go wee wee.
Everyone was so quite and we can only hear him crying continously asking permission to go toilet. The only thing I can do is asking him to wait. My poor little son and i wonder how he knows that the plane is taking off and landing. He found out from the light on the sign to put on seat belt? And I still wonder how. And the only explanation was its was really uncomfortable for him but just that he do not one how to tell us. The only thing in his mind was to escape with excuses. Try feeding him with bottle and other sorts of effort to stop him crying but he only stop when finish landing.
I think it was a night for everyone onboard. It seems like something bad is happening and the air stewardess was in alert observing us. Thank god that the flight was landed safely.

When we were at the custom, someone just recognized Mika,s and commented to his group of friends, " this is the boy lah who was crying onboard. Everyone keep an eye on Mika's and asking us whether he is alright or not. Sure, Mika's stop crying after landing and the magic was he don't even have any urge to pee after that. Poor us as later he refused to take any kind of public transports during the trip. It was the first time for him, taking Flight, Train, Tram, Bus, Ferry and Speedboat and probably this was too much for him to cope all this first experience at the same time.

Sleepless Night

Sleepless night haunted me with the memories from the past.... from as young as 4 years old. wake up every night during dawn and hearing the same sound in the middle of the night. the sound from the truck when approaching red light..and my brain is so pure, no worried and it is just between me and the universe.

A very different kind of memories, when i am around 10 years old, wake up every night around 3:00pm, the very familiar sound from the clock, tong tong tong...... telling me it is 3 o'clock in the morning and my mind is very confusing discovering the world, trying to figure out, what am i in my past life, god and spirit and why i keep experienced the same feeling every night, and the same dreams over and over again.

When grow older, keep searching for the answers and to an extend of finding self comfort answers that beyond my understanding. All the unanswered questioned buried deep in my self and reading books spare my night time, with comfort feeling of acquiring knowledge while watching my sibling in sweet dream.

Alan Tham and Jackie fill most of my sleepless nights,  love song love song and love song again repeating for at least 6 times every night. Both of them is my idol filling up my sleepless night till i find my first boy friend and now is sleeping loudly besides me.

The longest sleepless lonely nights i had experience and i could imagine if without these songs. The same radio i still keep till now days but the different is its no longer play cassette anymore.  Really miss those nights to bring me back my memories. uncertainty, pain, bitter and sweet for more than 10 years. The same song, same player at many different places, start from my hometown Bentung, to my rented house at Melawati, Casstlefield, Desa Setapak, Desa View and Wangsa Maju. memories of almost half of my life.

Now occasionally have sleepless night and most of the time watching online drama and the most recent one is Winter Sonata...

Watching it for the second time but first time in Korean language. Really addicted and have the urge to learn speaking Korean. Slow pace, no vulgar words, pure minds that remind me back to my teenager time.

A very special sleepless night today that bring me back the memories of all my sleepless and lonely nights in the past but the different is i have my son sleeping besides me and make feel good and warm. i am wishing that he have sweet dream every nights.

The same nightmare i have since younger time, disappeared in my dreams long time ago. i am like a little caterpillar that transformed to a butterfly. occasionally i still curios why i have such dreams and i dream to find a decoder to give me all the answers

Hobby and New accomplishment in year 2012

in preparation for 2012 dragon years, i have accomplished one of my long due project, after attending 5 DAYS motivation class a week before CNY.... that with high commitment and exams and nightmare without sleep...and with the remaining time before CNY, i took a day to finish sewing the curtain that the material i bought ten years ago. such a huge relieved, using a very small electric sewing machine for 4 full length curtains...... i can't believe i done it... and don't ask me how i did that.... but i think part of it is because of the motivation course..
anyhow sewing is my hobby.... but the curtains were really miracle. everything just there without much planning and now it is hanging nicely in my living room.

i have done a lots of sewing this years, enjoying the process and make a new pair of pajamas for Mika's, 2 shorts for me and hubby as well for year of Dragon. i have a new cushion cover as well plus pillow for Mika's...... Very happy to get some compliments for my works...
for the next hobby, will try to get an oven and start baking with Mika.
later can go to piano class with Mika and learn painting..

Year of dragon

Today is the 8th day of CNY, almost 11pm and just started with fireworks, one follow by another one and expecting will last till 12:30am. Its really loud and reminding me of some unfortunate country which is in war. for a moment, i was thinking what if those sound is bomb. Thank god, this is the sound of celebration... and no matter how loud was the fireworks, and how disturbing to Mika before he go to sleep.... My feeling is so good and grateful that at this moment we can have this kind of celebration now days.

It was the last two cycle during year 1988, everywhere lights up firecracker from every house at my hometown...non-stop and for the first time i have experience such a huge celebration. I was just left school and it was year of dragon. The most powerful animal in chinese zodiac.

i have the first time, feeling of freedom and totally new kind of CNY celebration... hang out with friend playing mahjong till dawn and have early dim sum breakfast before go to bed. Visiting all schoolmates house by house getting ang pau and have fun..

Seems like dragon years are the most memorable years.... the other cycle was in year 2000 where me and my husband have the first new year celebration at KLCC.

seems like just yesterday, 24 years past and things has change. I am not meeting any of my schoolmates. i am giving ang pau instead of receiving ang pau and of course growing old and put on weight. Everything seems so fast in year 2012... superfast and rush but one thing still the same, celebration. Hope CNY culture will continue and past down to next generation.

Mika is 2 years old.

suddenly have the urge to write. two years ago, my son was taken out from my uterus via csec. still a very fresh memory to me, my tears came out when i see him the first time and fall in love with him at first sight.
Today he as grown up as a toddler, started talking in simple words and his favourite is "pu yau!! pu yau", in Mandarin.
he has transform up from a very gentle baby to a very demanding child. i hope i didn't spoilt him, but screaming and hitting is not going to work. have tried and sometime felt really regret, so.... trying very hard to ignore sometime. let him cry and shout.... and let him learn that he will never get anything from crying.
not sure he is understanding any of y intention, keep explaining and seems no results...
and the journey is still very long.
no doubt he is still my sweet heart, his smile, mischievous look and the way he hug me. makes me feel that i am an very important people with great responsibilities.

My Dream Job for My Dear Son

Every mother, 望子成龍, there is no exception to me as I am just an ordinary person. During my teenager time, i am confused and a bit loss and not sure what I should pursue for my future career. The struggle between Art, Science or Commerce and with the greatest fear of choosing the wrong field and ended up with a boring life and without any great achievement.

thus my final decision is to choose something that is on the safer side, a degree that can guarantee me a job just for moderate living and the most important is that it is not too difficult to achieve as there were so many other things that I need to consider that Ieave me with not many choices. definitely i will be very different as per me today if I come from a well being family, at least I dare to pursue fashion design and some other thing with no worried about earn for living or a guaranteed for better job or the urge to enlighten my mothers, who work as baby sitter for living after my father had a stroke. i work as a sales promoter and do part time to pay school fees and living. ICSA seems a smarter choice

It took me quite some time to graduate in ICSA, and its just merely RM50, i believe that had change my destiny as I take up the position of account clerk instead of assistant company secretary. and later, its very hard for me to pursue in this line again. I know eventually I will be there but it was a very painful process for me. I made a promise to myself, since very long time ago that if I have my own children and I will give my best to guide them and would not let them suffer as what I have gone through

I realise probably I am also a problem child, indecisive and like to try and experience everything and anything in this world. Everything seems very interesting but a further thought/finding seem that it is not as interesting as i think off and feel emptiness and demotivated. nothing pro but know here and there a bit.. and i do agree that if i have given proper guidance, probably i can decide better and biggest problem is without any guidance and information. The college i visited that offer fashion design seems not convincing. available for me anhave no idea of how to go about it. Probably I will enjoy being an actress, as this will enable me to play many roles including doctor, artist, pianist, cook and many more. Just a nonsense thought now and it does not seem realistic.

After all these years, I realise that all my worried is non-sense but it’s seem too late for me to discover and change my career. My job is nothing to shout about, bored and more boring every day. Probably if affordable one day, all these little dreams will fill up my empty time as hobby, learning drawing, cooking, sewing and being the interior designer for my home. No kidding, I did imagine myself as politician, leader for charity organisation and many more and I had went for an interview for air stewardess right before I am reaching the age limit but after all, I found out that I am just enjoying my motherhood life and the rest is not important anymore.

Now about the future career for Mika’s, it is so weird that i am pretty sure what my preference for him. I would like him to become a famous architect. Not a doctor as he will spend too much time to safe life, not a pilot as this is too dangerous, not a musician, magician, businessman but an architect. Hahaha, probably it is about my dream house and now probably has to leave it to him to realise my dream. I am painting in my mind of our dream home of my own son invention.

But after all, this is just a dream and of course I wish this will come true. But I am not very greedy, I am still very happy, if seeing Mika’s growing up and lives healthy and happily and bringing in more families members to the family and being financial independence and a filial son/grandson.

Mika's is finally walking at 18 Months

It was a long time since my last update on Mika’s development.
A very long journey for Mika’s to leap on his next development, a slip till posing some concern from relatives. Of course, I still hold on to believe that it is not to worry. In my mind, I was thinking that the best is walking at 18 months like his daddy. Not too late to worry me. Of course, initially not to expect that long, but after observing his behavior and I know it is a long way to go. . It is a one year journey, from his army crawling till he mastered crawling on four, Peep pap peep pap from here and there.
Finally Mika’s is showing his interest on walking on his 18 months. He has just realized the benefits of walking rather than crawling, where he have to craw like an army if both his hands grapping on something and with a very ugly crab/handicap crawling style if one of his hand grapping on something.
With an intention to practice his new skill, I brought Mika’s to the park for a walk the first time on last Sunday. At first, he dares not to let go my hand but finally he made it, walking step by step slowly alone at the park. Saw him mostly fall down but managed to push his hand on the floor and squat down and I was thinking, probably this is a wiser choice for him to walk at later stage. Meanwhile I am enjoying a bit as others with the same age have mastered the skill of running. I am imagining myself now, how awful being screaming and running catching mika’s and I hope not till this extend. Please behave my son.
I see my son walking standing tall like a three years old toddler but indeed he is always my little baby, no matter how tall and how old he grows. My mother told me that seeing Mika’s walking remind her of me. She commented that Mika’s walking style resembles me and I am imagine myself now, long waving hands walking slowly with unsteady long legs. I hope I will remember every moment that we spent together forever. If not, I have taken some photo and short video which I don’t have the luxury when I was young.

Mika turning 14 months and yet don't attempt to walk yet

My mika growing so fast and so tall.. catch fever last few weeks and still have flu now.

now is very thin, started calling baba...all the time. 

call me only when urgent, this is what ojin's said.

become very lazy recently, no loading of new photo or blogging..

sooner or later, i will be forgotten everything. how mika growing up. when he first sprouting teeth...and start walking...hope to keep this up.

baby mika.... NOW SLEEPING ZZZZZ very cute with his new pajamas....MUMMY LOVE U very much. Good night my dear and sweet dreams.